LOVE!

Even before I start let me state emphatically that this piece is not a tale about me, my life or anything like that. It is purely fictional; though I tell it like its not but in any case that shouldn’t be your problem. Whether its fictional or not should be my problem so don’t worry your head about it. I repeat, its purely fictional. I hope this denial would extricate me from any future or immediate consequences.

Ok. So what is love? Good question to ask right? Well am not the best person to answer it because love hasn’t been a particular good friend to me. For some strange reason, there was a time when everyone was talking about love including myself but I didn’t know what love was. People were telling me that I was in love with someone or that someone was in love with me almost constantly but the problem was that I didn’t know what the hell they were talking about.

What is love? How does it feel like to be in love? How does one get in love? When do you know you are in love? I didn’t know the answers to all these questions so I knew perfectly that I did not know what was love and wasn’t I love. In any case what was this whole fuss about love? Especially when I thought there are more serious issues to think and talk about. But hey I guess this whole talk got into me so I decided to fall in love.

Simple, I decided to deceive myself that I was in love and I should say that this act of self deception was and might still be one of the best feelings anyone can have. Its really not so complicated to deceive yourself that you are in love; not difficult, at all! Just copy what you see in Hollywood, Nollywood, Bollywood and Ghanaian movies about love as well as your friends and how they behave when they claim to be in love. So I did this and replicated it in a simple way. Well if just maybe you don’t have time to study what I have told you or just maybe you are so dump as to do this simple thing (no hard feelings, am just being frank), then let me help you.

Well, start by identifying someone who meets your pass mark in terms of criteria for possible lovers. Select a lady who meets your dreams of a possible lover if you are a guy or select a gentleman who meets in some way our dreams of a possible lover if you are a lady. By this time you should know that this article is simply for those inclined to natural love not the foolish and madness gays and lesbians engage in and indeed if you are either a gay or lesbian, stop reading! Nonsense!

Back to the issue; once you have selected the target, try and make some few advances and hope it works out if even minimally. If it does not then its possibly because you have unrealistic and silly ambitions – to put it simply, you did not choose your size or class or type; in short you are a an irresponsible and hopeless dreamer! In such a case become realistic, and it would work out.

When it works out, then begin the ultimate deceptions. Some are listed here
1. Deceive yourself and pretend that you are jealous anytime you see her talking to another boy or vice-versa

2. Deceive yourself into believing that you cannot do without her and that you are helpless without her

3. When before you go to bed, formulate a nice dream about her and try to make yourself dream a very similar dream once you are really asleep

4. Deceive yourself that she also loves you so much and that she could even kill herself when you leave her

5. When you lose contact, say when she travels out of the city or when for some reason you do not see her or hear from her for long, concentrate and make a conscious effort to play sentimental soul searching music without ceasing. Play songs from celine dion like My heart goes on etc, songs from whitney Houston, like I will always love you etc etc. if you are into local songs, play songs with titles like “odo beba na ma wo”, “odo beba na fon aka teaa”, “odo beba aba sie me”, “odo mma ye a men da ye” etc. etc., the likes of lumba, ofori amponsah and kojo antwi would help you in this all important assignment. Indeed such words are very common to find in almost all Ghanaian songs be it highlife, hiplife and even some Gospel.

6. Intentionally try talking about her very often; that is, when in a conversation with anyone and you realize the conversation is loosing its bite, find a way and bring her name in or something about her in.

7. When friends notice your apparent love with the lady and bring it up; do your best not to either deny it or confirm it, play around it so that they would keep bringing her up.

8. Write poems about her when she is away for long, read them and try honestly to cry after you read them

All these and more would help yourself deception a lot

So I played on and was able to deceive myself that I was in love with few ladies. And as I stated earlier, the feeling was good. What I don’t know as yet was whether the ladies were really in love with me or whether they were also trying to deceive their beings and especially me that they were in love or whether they really thought I was in love with them; whatever they thought, I am sorry for them and sorry for myself.

Normally I would play on for some months or even a year after which I would decide to move on because I wanted to have a new experience; and I must admit that some of the ladies were not much of a good experience (please am not talking about the experience you are thinking about; so stop thinking those bad thoughts. For your information, I aspire to be an African Pope one day and I also value chastity very much). I am talking of experience in relation to how the relationship goes on a day to day basis, how she talks to you, how happy you feel with her and all other things which come when two ‘perfectly healthy’ adults are in a relationship.

Sometimes the relationship would end because it had lasted its full length. But most importantly and most regularly, the relationship ended because I felt that if I got deep into it, I might really feel in love and that I might have severe consequences if the relationship were later to fail.

So I went on and on. But something happened. Once there was quite a long period without me engaging in my passion of self deception, something happened. I was plunged into serious depression. What happened was that I realized that I was really in love with the ladies. I realized that, all I was doing was deceiving myself that I was deceiving myself that I was in love. To put it simply, I realized that I had for all the time being deceiving myself that I was not in love and that I was only deceiving myself that I was. Are you confused? Don’t be? All am saying is that I found out too late that I was really in love and that instead of thinking that I was deceiving myself that I was in love, all I was doing was deceiving myself that I was not in love. Don’t you still understand? Haba, your teachers really suffered; no wonder that most of them are dead already. I cant blame you though because the Lord did not create everyone to be bright, some are just born dump! This simple thing look at how I suffered to get you to understand.

Let me continue. Suddenly I had the answers I didn’t have to the questions that made me decide to get into this deception in the first place. I now knew what love was. I found out that one did not really know that he/she was in love until the relationship was no more. You don’t really feel love till you lose it or till you are on the brink of losing it. Love is when you think about your future and see your partner in that future, that is, when you dream about your future and see it as a future for the two of you. Love is when you feel that you can’t do without a specific lady or gentleman. Love is when you feel loved. You are in love when you can’t stop thinking about her no matter how hard you try. You are in love when you get concerned anytime you see her enjoying herself with another guy or even talking to another guy. You are in love with someone when that person makes you do things you would have never done; or do things you would not do normally or when you do things for her without second thoughts. Love is when you feel like dreaming about her and when you feel good after you have a dream about her. Love is when you feel like talking to her first thing in the morning and last thing in the night. Etc. Etc.

That was love and that is Love. I had finally discovered it; but how on earth could I be so crazy? How on earth could I let all manner of ladies who I really loved and who might have really loved me to go, just because of some stupid believe that I was deceiving myself? How on earth could I allow such great relationships to die? How on earth could I have allowed myself not to know that I was really in love? How could I make such mistakes and how was I ever going to be able to correct them? Should I go back? Who should I try rebuilding the relationship with? How am I ever going to meet such ladies who made me feel so whole?

These and many questions plunged me into utter depression. It was simple, my confusion on what love was had led me into deception which had also led me into dejection as a result of my confusion which had arisen out of my denunciation of the obvious and now I was being led into emotional destruction!

It was such a terrible period in my life. I was destabilized and confused! If I were in the US or some western European country, I would have probably gone to a psychologist for professional help and maybe into rehabilitation for a few weeks. But hey this is Ghana and in Ghana this problem which was my problem is child’s play compared to the problems others have. Indeed had this not been Ghana, most of you reading would have been in permanent rehabilitation because of the problems you have.

I tried to go back and try to rebuild what I had unfortunately and deliberately destroyed but hey, in the end I decided that it was too late and that since I had messed things I the first place, I had to live with it and not attempt anything which would put those whose love I destroyed into more trauma or confusion. Most of them I thought were moving on and I didn’t think it would be fair to go back and try worrying them. So I let go.

Not knowing, this was even a small problem. I now knew what love was. My problem this time was that for most of the ladies, I just couldn’t be sure whether I really loved them or whether I was really deceiving myself this time since I had found out that the line between reality and self-deception was so so thin.

When was I in love and when was I deceiving myself that I was? I simply was confused. My past was coming back to hurt me seriously not only because I was not clear as to when I was truly in love but also because my thoughts were normally tempted with the temptation to go back to some of the ladies in my past. Finally, it was also because some of them would never let me be and I didn’t understand why. At least they would have lifted some burden but some of them, o God, would just not let man be and it was not even as if these were the ones I truly loved; most often, these were the ones I really didn’t love and as for this one, I was sure on it.

In my constant confusion, I decided sadly to go in for certain people I knew I could not love. I could not stand the fear of falling in love and breaking up with a loved one because of my confusion; I did not want to go into depression once again. So I decided to try to fall in love with people I knew I couldn’t really love knowing that even if the relationship failed I won’t feel bad because afterall, I didn’t love them in the first place. Why worry? No problem right? I said in my head that I could develop love with them if I thought I should but I realized that just as no realistic being would attempt developing world class infrastructure in Somalia, that was the same way love couldn’t be developed with some of them. To put it mildly, they were not my class, type or desire. That experiment also sooner than later had to be aborted; at least I am grateful for not aborting the kind of things some of you abort. I was only aborting relationships, experiments and ideas not fetuses (God knows I am telling the truth).

Then all of a sudden, I met one angel. She was like some of the other ladies I had met in my past but this one simply was an angel. I was truly happy in a long while and I knew it the first day I spoke to her. We just clicked and though I tried initially not to fall in love with her, I couldn’t achieve it. The only problem was that I could not be fully sure that she loved me fully. You know, it is said that anyone who slashes necks (as in slashes with knife; did I have to say it in full before you understood? Haba!) is always fearful of sleeping on his back, fearing that his neck might be slashed if he does so. Again, if you are a player as I know you are, you would confess that you are always fearful of being played. Lastly, the liars within you would also know that there is always a constant suspicion of being lied to. Because of what I had done in my past, I was always afraid of the law of kama working on me.


I wasn’t sure whether this angel was in love with me or whether she would even ever fall in love with me. Not that she was not compromising, she was (not compromising for any amorous activities, as I have said earlier, I am a good boy!); by all indications she liked me and also was happy with me and loved me. But I wasn’t fully sure if she was just playing me or deceiving me and deceiving herself or just pretending (whatever the words mean). In the end, my fear let her go. I was always afraid of going the full length with her; I did not show full commitment though I loved her like I never did before. So she went.

Following her was a series of ladies who all fit my criteria perfectly and who I knew I was in love with but to prevent further confusion and depression, I had to deceive myself that I was not in love with them. Mainly I had to do this because I didn’t believe that they loved me fully and that they wanted to be in a relationship with me; I couldn’t trust their love. My past again reared its ‘handsome’ head. So just like that angel, I did not go the full stretch with some of these ladies and for others I didn’t even attempt to go any stretch immediately I realized that they were people I might love.

So I had to deceive myself again. I had to deceive myself anytime I met such ladies that I was not in love with them and would never be. Well this is also a good experience to have and is also not difficult to do; at all! Deceiving yourself that you are not in love is very very easy. I would teach you because I know that some of you might never know how to do it if I don’t teach you.
Simple, when deceiving yourself that you are not in love; do some few things.
1. Intentionally refuse to pick their calls often. This would give you a false hope that you don’t love them and that you can do without them

2. Do not listen to sentimental soul searching music, that is, cools (if you do not know what I am talking about; should I be surprised?); on the other hand listen to reggae, the noise called hiphop (those that don’t talk about f**king& love), gospel etc.

3. Don’t watch movies from sparrow productions, venus films or any of such wanna be classy production houses otherwise some scenes might remind you of what you should forget; on the other hand, watch Agya Koo like movies, watch movies with Akua Ataa Kyeiwaa (the ones with witchcraft would especially be helpful).

4. Don’t watch Nigerian movies except the ones with Aki and Popo (am not talking about out two deputy information ministers so please don’t put me in trouble, am talking about the real aki and popo whom our Ghanaian brothers have taken after wonderfully.). Don’t watch Hollywood movies. Don’t watch telenovelas or Soaps; the only serials you should watch are 24 and maybe CSI.

5. Rebuke yourself very hard anytime you dream about her.

6. Deceive yourself that you are not her class (which might very well be true; looking at who you are)

Now this form of deception also plunged me into depression because I realized all too late that the ladies in question really loved me and were prepared to spend the rest of their lives with me. Indeed I realized that their problem was the fact that they thought I didn’t really love them and that I was not committed to them. In the end, most of them had to fall for good for nothing and utterly useless guys all because they couldn’t get me. How sad for them? For me the realization that I had messed up glorious opportunities which even Junior Agogo would score left me dejected. I had been a fool once again. How could I be so crazy to allow myself to deceive myself like this again. First, I deceived myself that I was in love believing that I was not only to find out later that I was. Now, what I had done to myself was to deceive myself that I was not in love because I didn’t think the ladies in question were truly in love with me only for me to find out that I was deceiving myself that they were not and that I was in love with them and they were with me.

I think you are confused, right? Well if you are not confused, it is obviously because your problems are much huger than mine. Indeed some of you were just born to suffer just like Job and sometimes even worse; at least for Job, he had restoration in the end but for you there is nothing like that; so I understand perfectly well why you are not confused. Your problems are too huge; I pity you! It’s like the Afadjato we have in Ghana which we think is a mountain and find it almost impossible to scale; when a Tanzanian or Kenyan sees it he would view it only as a very small hill because he has seen much astounding mountains like the Kilimanjaro but when a Nepalese or Tibetan also sees Kilimanjaro, he would not be moved because he has seen much much Grand mountain ranges like the Himalayas. For some of us, we were born not to suffer. Our only problem is that we have no problem! So we have to create problems for ourselves by thinking about things like what you are reading. Soorryooo!

Well if you think you are confused then your problem might even be more significant. For you it is either you are deceiving yourself that you are confused or that you lack any significant sense of understanding of very simple issues; in both cases, what you have is a psychological problem which you need to seek immediate help! Self deception is not good so stop it now! You are not confused or are you?

For those of you who think this piece was for you or that part is for you or about you, especially for those I have known in my life, well am sorry but your case is a bit more hopeless. (when I say ‘known’ I don’t mean the biblical ‘known’, not the one where the priest asks if you have known your wife to be; not that one! I am talking about knowing someone, just knowing her). I have told you that this is pure fiction; why then should you force yourself to believe that it relates to you? Your kind of self deception needs more of deliverance than psychological help because in the face of obvious reality you choose to stick to your deceptive ways. Please lastly, this is not about me or about you! If you still want to believe that it is about you or me, fine; suit yourself ! Many manias start with little self deceptions like this, bear that in mind!

Now sitting where I am and looking back, I realize that Love is never supposed to be complicated! Love is just the feeling you get when anyone or anything makes you happy and makes you give out more of yourself than you would have ordinarily done and Love is all that was stated above! And anything or anyone which is loved by you should be celebrated day in, day out! You do not need one day in a year to celebrate something which makes you happy; or something which makes you give more of yourself! You need to celebrate such things and such beings every single day; and it doesnt even need to be grand festivities, just be appreciative that love, that's all it takes for you dont know when you would lose it or when you would lose your ability to feel the kind of love you feel now!

OK. So you see we have come all the way from me deceiving myself that I was not in love when I was actually deceiving myself that was not in love when I knew I was. Such was the cycle of confusion thanks to self deception. Self deception is not good for any one especially you and especially our leaders who force themselves into self deception by deceiving themselves that they are performing so much and that the populace loves them so much when it is obvious that they are failures.

I need to end here! AM GONE! Thank God for my life and for your life!

JUDGMENT DAY II - THE TURN OF THE PRESS!

First Published on November 23rd, 2010

Ok so finally, Part two is here. Part two and the other parts to follow were conceived at the same time Part 1 was, but somehow I never had the motivation to put them into typing till I received the motivation from a dear friend. She knows herself. I wish I have more of that! No meanings please!

So its still judgment day and people are in queue. One after the other they are either punished by being delivered for free to Satan or rewarded by being promoted to Heaven. The Politicians have been dealt with freely and fairly and I should tell you that there was gnashing of teeth. Unfortunately for some of those who were delivered to hell, they spent much of their time on Earth using their mouths and teeth as well as other parts for all sorts of activities so by the time they got to the Judgment throne, there was no teeth left, thus they were left with no choice but to gnash their gums. Some of the politicians who went to hell are – His Excellency …… Seriously, did you think I was going to mention names? God forgive you if you thought so! In this age of Fear and Panic, you want me to say he went to hell because I am comfortable in my house and would want to spend some time in cells eh? Quite apart from that, you know very well that the Good Bible admonishes us not to judge, so why did you even expect me to stand here on earth and start judging (though I should admit that I have a fair idea of those Excellencies who would be going to hell).

Some of us would have by now been judged and would have been luckily promoted to heaven probably after one or two appeals. Some of us would have by this time left our relatives, friends and the whole world stunned by the kind of things we engaged in. We would have been exposed finally and fully. But because almost all of you would have experienced equal or worse expositions, it would not be so difficult for us to face our shame, since your shame would be far greater than ours.

Before I continue to the subjects today- i. e. Journalists, let me inform you that by my calculations and analysis, some people might find themselves in heaven by sheer luck not because of their activities on earth. Others would be booted into hell because of bad luck. Some of you people are so bad luck that even if we talk to you for a minute, it affects our prospects for about a year, some are also so lucky that they can go free even with murder (I am on the luck side though I have not tried murder yet). This trend of luck and bad luck am sure would be present even on Judgment day.

I say this because the sheer magnitude (number) of CDs needed , would outstrip supply from places like Europe and the USA so the likeliest place for getting them would be China, and I do not need to tell you that there would certainly be problems of quality with the CDs; After all it would be Made In China! Check the quality of CDs these days and you would confess! And please by CD, I mean Compact Disk not Condom (for those of you who are so corrupt that you fail to even notice that am doing my possible best and Godly obligation of pulling you away from the gates of Hell)
Back to the case of the low quality China made CDs which would most likely be used for the Judgments- What would therefore happen is that certain individuals would have key moments of their tapes scratched and thus would not show or would constantly break and thus end up most likely being forwarded. The unlucky ones would have all their bad deeds showing feeli feeli but the scratches would appear where they have the few good deeds of their life on Earth. As soon as it gets to where they gave alms, or spoke the truth (which for many like you are rarities), or where they saved someone from say alcohol addiction by sharing their own experiences, the disc would start breaking and stop totally maybe. Only two solutions would be feasible. Either the disk would be forwarded or the disc would forward itself. In short, all we would see would be your evil deeds, upon which sentencing would be passed immediately and your delivery to hell conducted promptly.

The lucky ones like me would also have scratches on our discs, the only difference would be that our good deeds would show perfectly but the breaks would come where our bad works (work not deeds) was supposed to appear. so as soon as it gets to where we told someone we were in the house when actually we were somewhere else doing our own thing or where we did things which cant be easily mentioned, the disk would start breaking and stop!

So God being so good, we would be judged on only our good deeds and thus qualify for heaven straightaway and when that happens we won’t waste any time; we would leave everyone behind, not bothering where their fate would lie and rush to Heaven to prevent any eventuality of having the DVD player replaced with one which might show perfectly or to prevent a situation where some detractors of ours might appeal against our innocent judgment. In fact we would not take any chances on judgment day, at all!

Back to the Journalists! Judgment day would be so interesting. Oh, it would be a sight to behold; to start with, these journalists whose biggest hobbies is finding and asking questions where no questions are, would even attempt to question God on why he chose to start with someone like Michael Dokosi of the Daily Post and not Fortune Alimi of the Daily Guide! And imply that God is biased by the selection of who to start!

But even before that, we all know how Journalists have picked up the attitude of always trying to sway public opinion and outcomes of events by conjuring stories falsely with the hope that with that their desired outcomes would be met. Well, on Judgment Day, this trend would be repeated despite the fact that they would be in the presence of the Almighty. So please don’t be surprised if you see a hurriedly published special edition of the Daily Dispatch blurting out the headline “79% OF FLOATING GHANAIANS WANT BEN EPHSON IN HEAVEN” and with an Article titled “WHY BEN EPHSON SHOULD BE IN HEAVEN” or a Special Edition of the Informer with the headline “DAY OF RECKONING HERE; KWAKU BAAKO, KWAMI SEFA KAYI, GINA BLAY & KEN KURANCHIE TO BR SURELY SENT TO HELL”
The Crusading Guide would surely not be left out as they would bring out a Special Edition too but this time with the Headline “FEAR & PANIC GRIPS NDC PRESS AS DOCUMENTS SHOW THEY PUBLISHED OVER 18000 FALSE STORIES”. Finally, the Insight would publish “IMPERIALIST AGENDA EXPOSED AS WESTERN PLOY TO SEND LEFT LEANING JOURNALISTS TO HELL IS SET TO FAIL”

Just like what happened when the politicians were being sentenced, we would again see countless number of Ghanaians and especially politicians and these same journalists who would not think about their fates but instead concentrate on finding out how many NDC journalists are being sentenced to hell or heaven as compared to NPP journalists in order to enable them score points. People would also take keen interest in finding out which media houses have more of their journalists being sentenced to hell and which ones are not.

It would be all fear and Panic that day; and it would know no bounds, these journalists who have taken the responsibility upon themselves to expose everyone minus themselves would finally be exposed fully. We would know the journalists whose stock in trade is blackmail and whether what they demanded was cash or kind and know whether the $125,000 was really given and really taken and how the socialist who took the money used it, if indeed he took it.

We would all see what makes certain so called pollsters conduct polls and come out with the weird results they come out with and whether indeed they charge people for conducting polls with predetermined results and whether they even step out of their Labone offices to conduct the polls or whether they interview the people they claim to interview in their minds or dreams and how many people they really interview in their minds and dreams as compared to the numbers they tell us.

In one day or more, we would get to know everything we have wanted to know ! To digress a bit, I would particularly be interested in knowing the Amina Rape case! And I would ensure that I do not blink when the tape on the event starts scrolling; we would all see whether the forced rape happened and whether the Driver was actually given the luxury of sleeping with 5 women; ei, people just fall in abundance when they haven’t done anything to deserve it! We would all see how come certain men were able to ‘rise’ in the face of guns and threats of death; and whether they enjoyed it or not as well as those many of you who wish you were in the bus! All of you would be exposed!

But all these would not be as Interesting as the judgment of certain recognized or key journalists! All the drama would be reserved for last by God! The trials of people like Baby Ansaba, Ben Ephson, Ken Kuranchie, Gina Blay, Gabby Asare Otchere Darko, Chicken Joojo Bruce Quansah, Egbert Faibille, Raymond Archer, Kweku Baako and Kwesi Pratt would certainly come last!

When Baby Ansaba gets into the dock, we would all know how come he was able to publish that Prof. Mills had collapsed and been rushed to the 37 hospital at a time when Prof. Mills was engaged in a meeting! In fact let me say this, Baby Ansaba would be one of the people who would answer most questions – baby would tell all of us, how he knew that the NPP paid some journalists and how come he was sacked from the Daily Guide! He would answer to us about the origins of his name – Baby Ansaba Infact any one close to Baby and reading this should inform him to prepare!

Oh Ken Kuranchie, he would also answer paa! But I am unable to say the kind of questions because he is a friend! Don’t get annoyed or bemused by my silly excuse, what are friends for!

In the spirit of fairness and equality and to save space and prevent this already long piece from being too long, I have jumped Gina Blay, Gabby, Bruce Quansah and Egbert but as for Bruce Quansah, we all know that he would answer questions on his alleged, so called kidnapping and how he ended up with chicken blood on him as well as whether the chicken from whose blood he smeared was a poultry fowl or 3fie akuk).

Raymond Archer- wow! Between him and Baby Ansaba, I don’t know who would answer questions! Of particular importance, Raymond Archer would tell us how come a certain tape appeared and it was claimed that the voices on it was the voices of Kofi Jumah and Jake.

But the greatest interest would lie in the judgment of Kweku Baako and Kwesi Pratt! Kweku Baako would surely enter the dock with dozens of people carrying a documents based on which he would defend himself. Kweku would even challenge the scenes shown on his CD with the documents he has and try to convince us that the documents should be rather believed and not the video being screened. Kweku would waste so much time going from front to back in his documents that if care is not taken, one angel might angrily seize the documents and throw them away! On where he would be sent, there is one thing I can be sure off, kweku can never be in the same place with Mr.& Mrs. Rawlings; if the Rawlingses go to heaven, Kweku am sure would volunatarily choose to be sent to Hell but should they end up in Hell then Kweku would move heaven and earth to be sent to hell!

Kwesi pratt the expert on everything would even go to the extent of showing God how to judge and question why certain people have been sent to heaven or otherwise instead of concentrating on defending himself. Kwesi would question everything, why God created us in the first place, why he allowed the whites to colonize Africa, why he allowed Kwame Nkrumah to be overthrown, why he allowed him, Kwesi Pratt, to lose the Ayawaso Central parliamentary seat, why God is making people wait too long before they are judged, why there are only heaven and hell and no other middle place, why he didn’t judge journalists last! But kwesi in the end would tell us how come he ended in prison for 14 times!

Me, as I said earlier, I would be coolly resting in Heaven and gulping down gallons of Milk and taking a stroll around the Gold plated streets of Heaven; oh, how I wish judgment day was tomorrow!

DEATH!

First published on November 5th, 2010

I most often think about death! Yeah I do, it’s one of my pastimes, thinking about death! I don’t know about you but unlike me, I know many who are just scared to hear the word - ‘death’! I don’t know why though, maybe it’s because you yourself know you would end up in hell and so don’t want to hear of the event which would forward you to your final destination; maybe it’s because you think this world is good that you don’t want to imagine not being part of it or maybe you are afraid because others are afraid of it.

But well whether you like it or not, very soon you would die! Hahahahahaha! Well sorry but this isn’t so funny for some of you but it is the truth; you would die soon! And please don’t stop reading at this point because that won’t prevent you from death! Anyway, sorry if I got you scared but why should we be scared of death? It’s something which would happen to everyone, no one can escape it so why should we be scared of it?

I think about death for many reasons. First of all I think about the death of my family members and friends like you. I think about all the good times and experiences I have had with some of you and think about the near future when you would not be around or when my family would not be around. I think and fantasize about how I would be informed of your death and how I would react; for some of you, I know other friends would post – Rest In Peace on your facebook walls and that is only when I would realize that you would no longer be there to chat with or no longer there to comment on my status or like it! For others especially those who are close to me, I know that it would be a sudden phone call in the night or very early morning, which would break the news to me of your death; and it would be only then that I would realize how I you would no longer be there to answer my call and how I can no longer send messages to you and wonder if I should delete your contact or if I should keep it as a living memory of the sort of friend you were. Huh! My heart is beginning to get heavy! But truly, I think about all these things.

Most importantly too, I fantasize about the one-week anniversary of your death and especially your funeral and how I would come and display ad give a heavy donation which would leave everyone bemused. I imagine the sort of cloth I would come in and the convoy of cars which would convey me there and how I would be weep when you are finally lowered 6 feet under the ground and when you are covered with earth with the Preacher man saying ‘dust to dust’ and all the kind of things they say!

So yes, ii think about your death and try to get myself prepared for it! I even think about the posts I would make on facebook about your death; well sorry if I have finished planning your death, burial and funeral but I can’t really stop myself from doing it. Am sure by now, most of you would have stopped asking the question – ‘is he normal?’ to saying ‘he is not correct’!

Well, I also think about my death! As someone who has had a brace with death on a few occasions, I have come to realize that I can be called anytime; so I think a lot about my own death! I think about how shocked some of you would be when news reaches you of my death at a young age of 96-105; how some of you would weep uncontrollably and how some of you would wish you even had the opportunity of exchanging your life for me. I know! I know many of you would even want to die so you can join me in death too , after all the things I did to you in life. I know that many of you wouldn’t believe it until you see me being lowered into my own specially built mausoleum after I have been embalmed which would mean that unlike you, my body would stay for years without getting rotten; thus denying the termites the luxury of having me for food; the good thing is that with you around, the termites wont really starve! I think about how grand my funeral would be! In fact, if anyone denies me a grand funeral, that person wont have it easy at all! I would deal with that person well well. I think about all the announcements that would be made on CNN, BBC and all and the big Bill Boards which would be erected in my honor!

But I also think about one thing, I think about staging my death before death does it himself. I want to stage my death one of these days; so anytime you hear about it be careful; I guess I have to take lessons from Amina.

I want to stage my death so that I can see the reactions of all of you! And what would be said about me; I want to see for my eyes how indifferent people would be to the news of my death; this brings me to a point. I have close to 630 friends on facebook, yesterday was my birthday and only 150 wished me a happy Birthday, so where were all the other 480? After all I have done for them? How ungrateful can people be; just saying happy birthday is even difficult for them! So you see, even with my life, people are still able to show me such ingratitude, how much more when I die? That’s why I want to stage my death, so that I can scare one by one those who show less concern on the issue of the death by not only revealing myself to them at odd places and times but also giving them a hot chase! That way, they would not only be scared but I would have left a lasting legacy in their minds! They would hardly forget me for a full day!

Again, I want to stage my death; so that I can see how people would want to come ad display at my funeral! Those who never wanted to speak to me would even come ad behave like they were the best of friends with me; what hypocrisy? I would want to see those who would come to my funeral to chase girls; I can imagine how insensitive people can be! I would want to see those who would come there specifically to eat and drink at my family’s expense; and how people would run when I slowly lift myself from the bed on which I have been laid and start chasing people all over!

But the question I mostly ask myself is does one know when it is about getting to his/her death? And how what happens at the exact point of death. I have heard that before one dies, the person would often have dreams where he or she would find him or herself interlacing with dead people and that when you start having those dreams, it means you are about to die. In order to prevent this therefore, I have made a very conscious decision not to dream again; so as not to see any dead people! How am I able to do this? Simple, by waking up at hourly or two hourly intervals during my sleep, I prevent myself from going into a deep sleep that would lead me to dream. To every rule there is an exception so to prevent myself from seeing the dead people just in case I dream, I keep my brains filled with everything aside dead people! And before I go to bed, I plan the dream I would want to dream just in case I have to dream! With this I have been able to keep myself from seeing dead people in my dreams. For those of you who have not done similar things like me though, I pity you because if you have been having dreams where you see yourself with dead people then please note that very soon, very soon, it will come. I don’t want to scare you anymore!


Again I have heard that few days before you die, you would become very friendly and very good. Two solutions appeared most prudent, when I heard about this; 1. Either I stopped being good and friendly so that death would stay a long way from me; or that I become constantly good and friendly, there would thus be no sudden change in my attitude which would cause death to look in my direction. With these two solutions, I knew that death would stay far away from me and close to some of you. But choosing not to be good and friendly would mean certain hell for me on the judgment day so I choose the other solution; and that is the reason why I am this good and friendly! That is why all of you wish you had my traits of friendliness and goodness!

Why did I write this note? I don’t even know! But I wanted to thank some special people in my life and special people who have helped me in my life and great people whose friendship I cherish so much! I didn’t want to write it straightforward, as it wouldn’t make it interesting for me; so I decided to write something , and this is what came up!

First on the list of mentions is the woman no woman can take me away from – my mum, Georgina Baffoe and Nana Yaa (my kid sister), my Grandmum, my Aunties and Uncles and cousins and all!

Then those great friends I have had who have helped me so much in a various points in my life or with whom I have shared or continue to share great moments; it is people like you who make life worth living - in no particular order –
Sammi Awuku, Angela Aheto, Rebecca Delong, Gloria Akpene, Akyena Benjamin, Alla Mensah, Emmanuel Kwasi Afriyie, Christian Kwabena Ansah, Festus Matey, Collins Dakurah, Nyamekye Nkrumah, Kingsley Owusu Anom, Enoch Sarpong, Dorothy Oforiwaa, Heartwill Tamakloe, Festus Owusu (Fela) Ernesto Yeboah, Hannarich Affum, Kofi Dzifa Jewel, Mckeown Amponsah, Nelson Awuku, Rebecca Donkor, Edem Amoah, Joseph Amoako-Yorke, Aggrey Korsah, Hamza Suhuyini, Emmanuel Peprah, Leticia Aduhene, Richard Boahene, Matthew Fosu Gyeabour, Felix Acheampong, Kwadwo Addo Dankwa, Godfred Boakye, Enoch Agyekum, Fatawu Mohammed, Swala Abubakr, Ernest Brobbey, Eugene Amoah, Sackey Kow Akyen, Josiah Aubin, Muni Montia, Florence Abban, Olivia Jehu Appiah, Egya Kojo Botwe, Charles Dorman, Kobby Gomez, Kwaku Boakye Nimako, Papa Annan Nana Adwoa, Nana Fredua ofori Atta, Sam Ellis, Nana Poku Sikadwa etc. etc. if I forgot any name I should have mentioned, please note that it wasn’t as a result of malice; it’s due to something which like death is part of every humans life!

To the friends I have gotten to know because of facebook, you have added much more to my life than I thought I would get by signing on to facebook and you provided every second of my life, with memories I cannot forget! Again in no particular order – Adwoa Ahofedua, Akwasi Afrifa Akoto, Amma Naabia, Eugene Boadi Dankwa, Paa Kwesi, Nana Prempeh Okogyeabour, Nana Poku, Obaayaa Boadi, Patrick Lawmann, Leticia Oforiwaa, Ataa Sombody, Charles Nii Teiko Tagoe, Patriot Faisal, Pap Tee, Giovanni Deal Drain, Lunyamadzo Njulumi, Daniel Vembera, Jephtah Asare, Kwaku Mensah Jnr., Nelly Kissi, Nii Nai, Olivia Quartey, Kwabena Antwi Boasiako, Chester Ati, Stephen Agbai, Obrempong Brako, Matthew Kinsford Baidoo, Nana Kwaku Versace and indeed every friend I have at this moment.

Seriously, am still wondering why I wasted my time doing this! Afterall, telling you about my thoughts about death and my fantasies about it would not help me understand the mysteries of death better than I do now; it would certainly not help me avoid death and so would it not help you, you would certainly go! So why did I do it? I don’t know! I felt like doing it - But hey, is this not the beauty of Life? One day when I am no more, you would remember that this guy once made me confused or wanted to; only that I would not be there anymore to try that, I would long be gone! One day when am gone, you would miss me for not being around to write long notes like this and just maybe you would wish you read my notes without complaining that it was too long. That day could be tomorrow, in a months time, in a year’s time, in ten years time or even just after you read this. But if you happen to go before I do, I would also remember that I once tried to make this lady confused or that I once tagged this guy in my note; the only snag would be that I would know you are no more and that I cannot tag you in anymore notes because you would not be there to read. That’s life; we need to cherish the life we have and the life of others no matter how confused or depressed and no matter the problems you have because your life and the life of others has a timeline which no one knows. Thank you! I pray we live longer together!

The New Ghanaian Vocabulary III

First Published on Tuesday November 2nd, 2010

Well, welcome to another class of lessons in the new Ghanaian vocabulary which is changing very very rapidly and which calls for a need to get ourselves constantly updated.

On February 8th this year, I began my patriotic duty to update the few friends I have with the changes occurring in our language and our vocabulary with the first edition of the “The New Ghanaian Vocabulary”; I continued with the second edition on the 12th of February with the second installment of the “New Ghanaian Vocabulary”; for those who did not have the privilege of being my friends early on and who have not read it, I would urge you to get abreast with the lessons in these two editions of the New Ghanaian Vocabulary.

But just to recap a few;

In the first edition, we learnt that the new word for ‘Obesity’ was ‘Anyidohu’ or its synonym ‘Ofosu ampofo’ and that a ‘team manager’ was called an Ahwoi.

We also learnt that for mediocrity, the word to say was ‘Zita’ and a dangerous confession was known as an ‘Ansaba’.
In the second lesson, we learnt the best word to use in describing a lady who wastes all her time doing pedicure is ‘Naadu’

And that a Religious frame up is either an ‘Obinim’ or an ‘Adarkwa Yiadom’; Jihad was seen to have become ‘Jamal’

The word ‘Ampadu’ was said to be a false prophet who specializes in dishing out Electoral prophecies on political platforms; ECG became Atta Disco while the dominant yellow gallons used for water have become the Mortuary Man Gallons.

To say a ‘Twitch’ we learnt that we had to say a ‘Hlordze’

Ok so this is but a few lessons from our first and second lessons.

'Amina' describes someone who receives undeserved punishments for breaking an oath of secrecy.

Hampers distributed officially by the State are known as 'Dogbes'. These are normally not accounted for

Someone who cannot stop being dishonest is known as an 'Ablakwa'! The full noun is Ablakwamaniac

A man with an unusually large number of children (pikins) is known as a 'Mahama'; the word is often used to describe men in very high state offices with over 10 children but can be applied to all

To 'Zita' is the ability of a Public Officer to access the privilege of killing two stones with just 1 bird

A 'Mould' is a failure turned into a disaster in a short period

To 'Pratt' is to see the good / best side of an individual or party when no one is able to see them and also see the bad side of other individuals or parties when no one sees them. Such characters are often known for the sharp tongues and regular shifting of goal posts.

A typical Kokoa ase Kurasini is an 'Afriyie'

You have 'Muntakaed' if you show publicly, your discontent about mockery inflicted by the general populace for something you did (though you are not the first person who did it)

An 'Acheampong' is someone who makes very irresponsible statements often and often in his zeal to show that he is also uncultured.

An 'Appiah Ofori' is an old man who gains notoriety for making very irresponsible and irrational statements

A 'Gyankoma' is an adult daughter who manages to attract for her father, undeserved criticisms as a result of her behavior

You are 'rawlingsing' if you are living a very good life financed by others! Such a state involves the shirking of responsibility for one’s children (ie. their education etc.), housing, movement, etc. unto friends and possibly the state

You are a 'Herbert' if you reveal in public, something told you by a confidant of a Leader about the Leader

A 'PrinceDerick' is a formerly outspoken alleged Gay who adopts a loud silence after he is exposed

A 'Bature' is a self acclaimed leading member of a political party whose posture put him out as someone who is more conversant with the internal intricacies of the political party or government than anyone.

To be an 'Atta' is to be an unpopular leader

The 'Star of Nketiah' is the highest award conferred on Palm Wine Tapping greats and all who have distinguished themselves in the noble art of Palm Wine Tapping; it is seldom given to former distinguished Palm Wine Tappers who have risen through the ranks of a particular field

To 'Shakespeare' is to boast loudly and collapse when your boastful utterances are challenged. It is also used to describe a person whose mouth fears no authority but whose body is not that supportive of the mouth.

'Dadzie' – A media man who causes fear and panic

To Evans& Mills is an idiomatic expression meaning to be mediocre and happy or to be underperforming and glad.

'Dadey' describes a Male who forces female subordinates to have free and unwarranted sex with him at awkward places and in awkward positions under the threat of causing termination of appointment. The Prefix – ‘Sam’ is added to this noun if the Libido of the particular male as described causes him to lose his job ultimately.

A Gold Magnate is called a 'Twumasi Ankrah'

Chimpanzee …… I don’t know

'Gizellia' describes the mental ailment which leads female sufferers to hallucinate about fairytale children they have conceived (most often with prominent men in society)

An 'Olele' is a visibly and obviously old person who refuses to quit an active engagement to allow the young and more athletic to take over. Synonym : Kingson

'Kwesi Appiah' is the situation where the actions, inactions and performance of a single individual destroys a whole agenda or movement. Such movements are normally motivated by patriotism and indigenization.

A 'JohnMensah' is a self acclaimed young person who is exposed by Nature constantly for being not so young

You have 'Opoku Manued' if you escape certain lynching from disenchanted political activists.

Insult is now ‘Aidoo’

Now the following Cities have also had changes in their Names
KUMASI – COCOASE
TAKORADI – KUB3ASE
ACCRA – NSUOASE
KOFORIDUA - BEPOASE

Thank You once again, the third lecture is over; the floor is opened for question...The handouts for this lecture are already ready for photocopying and downloading

REPLICATING CHILE IN GHANA – HOW I PLAN TO GET TRAPPED AND RESCUED!

First Published on October 14th 2010

After watching more of the inspiring scenes from the Miners rescue in Chile and after receiving hundreds, if not thousands of comments and messages from most of you; I am more motivated to embark on my mission to inspire our dear country by getting trapped in a mine and subsequently getting rescued, that is, replicating the scenes in Chile. More importantly, I plan with your support not only to replicate what happened in Chile but to stage in a more interesting and eye catching manner so as to make it more news worthy and ensure that I really achieve my aim of inspiring this Nation which is so difficult to inspire!

To make this mission successful, I would kindly request for the following items to be provided to me by well wishers and Nationalists who see the importance of me sacrificing myself to get trapped and subsequently get rescued (very important!). I would need

• Two Hi-tech phones and 10 spare batteries each(say an Android and an I Phone)-
One with an MTN chip since am sure discounts would be high in the mine and one with my Vodafone chip. These phones would not only be used by me to communicate with my family, friends and loved one (secretly) but it would also be used most especially to post on facebook and Twitter; thus making my Trapping the first Social Media powered Mine Trapping and add something we did not hear from Chile.

• Two boxes of Don Simon Fruit Juice (one Multifruta and one Manzana)

• One full box of Milo and Two boxes of Tin Milk


• 5 Voltic boxes (just in case incompetence slows down the pace of rescue)

• One Smart TV Decoder (since it does not need a Dish), so I can follow the major Leagues and News events around the world


• And someone to assure me of a regular supply of Hausa Koko in the mornings and Banku and Pepper with Tilapia or Red Fish/ Apem Ampesi to go with kontomire interlaced with koobi and palm oil in the afternoons. It should not be doubted that this mission, I am about to embark on is purely sacrificial – these foods have been chosen specifically as a way of promoting Ghanaian foods during the rescue as I expect the major News Networks like CNN, BBC, Aljazeera, Reuters, AP, Fox News, DW, Al Arabiya, Xinhua, Intertax etc. to follow it with much keen interest compared to the Chilean rescue.

To ensure that my trapping attracts significant local interest, I have decided to get trapped on a sold/ grabbed Government land – though I have not decided yet whether to get trapped on one sold/grabbed under the NDC or the NPP or whether to get trapped at Ofankor (plot no. 7 maybe), Cantoments or West Legon. I am still receiving suggestions and would urge well meaning people like you to help me get a well suited land on which I can get trapped.


Since I cannot dig the mine, I would need some of you especially the men to dig the mine once we get the appropriate land. You should be reminded that the mine to be dug would not be child’s play! You would be required to dig a mine which would be deeper that 7,000 metres and ensure that it is dug in a way which would not put my life at risk. The base of the Mine should be large enough to hold all the items, I would take with me. Since we need to stage this trapping very quickly, I would urge those of you who would dig the mine not to lazy about but to approach your enviable duties with all the seriousness in the interest of our nation.

After the mine is dug, all the items demanded apart from those to be supplied daily would be lowered into the mine after which I would lower myself into the mine for the drama to begin!

Now these are some of the things I would like you to do in the interest of the mission, once I get into the mine.
1. Once in the mine, only announce my disappearance; don’t announce the prospects of me being in the mine until after 20 days. This is because the Chilean Miners were discovered after only 17days and thus ours should be longer to break their record and because I am fully aware that if no okro mouth informs the police or any rescue team to be put in place, they would have no clue about my whereabouts.

2. Let me remind you that during these 20days, I would need to be supplied with the Hausa koko and koose in the mornings and Banku with pepper and Tilapia or Apem Amp3si with kontomire. This is very vital and needs to be constantly mentioned.



3. After the 20 days, try and ensure that the police or Rescue team finds the Mine. when it is discovered, ensure that no overzealous NADMO official attempts any hurriedly organized rescue with pickaxes and shovels; that would put my life at risk and mean disaster for me and the mission. On the other hand convince the officials that the best form of rescue would have to be one in a similar to the Chile rescue with a narrow capsule and all that.


4. As soon as I get trapped, bring my disappearance and trapping to the attention of the Major World News Media most of which I have outlined above. Make sure my trapping becomes major news by the time the mine is discovered. If they show their disinterest in the issue or don’t show as much interest as they showed in the Chilean situation, accuse them widely of been racist and of putting more premium on Western and Latin lives than that of Africans; it is my hope that this approach would get them to pay more attention and give the trapping and rescue the needed attention it deserves.


5. I don’t belief he would do so but just in case the President refuses to spend the millions of dollars needed for my rescue just like the Chilean government did, I would need you to accuse him of being a father for a few and of intentionally seeking my death because of my political affiliation. Get the whole world to know that the refusal to put in the needed funds and materials to rescue me is because of my political stance! Try and get the NPP and AFAG to organize news conference after news conference and even get the Minority to boycott parliament! I hope it does not come to this, but with this government, you can never tell so we have to make preparations for it!

In ending, I would like to urge all of you to stay committed to this course which is in the supreme interest of the nation! For Ghana’s sake we need to ensure that this mission is successful and the onus lies on all of you to ensure this. If the Chileans could do it then we can also do it!

PROF. MILLS IS NOT ONLY ‘DO LITTLE’! HE IS ‘PROF. PETTY’ TOO!

First Published on September 6th, 2010

President John Evans Atta Mills is a man who is very interesting and one who I think should be studied. Over the last month, the flagbearer of the opposition NPP came up with a name for Prof. Mills , ‘Professor Do Little’. Immediately I heard the new accolade of our President, I wondered how come I wasn’t able to confer that accolade on Prof. Mills before Nana Addo did, because I had long noticed that Prof. Mills was a man who was destined to do very very little in his governance of this nation. This realization did not arise as a result of a dream or vision but as a result of the analysis of the man’s actions and statements which reflects his thoughts and psychology.

In fact the first realization I had was the fact that Prof. Do Little was happy doing little and with such a psychology it would be an unprecedented miracle for him to do more. This initial realization which led me to conclude that our President was indeed destined to do little was vindicated by the man himself who on his return to Ghana after cooling off in the States stated proudly that he is happy to do little.

And yes he is happy to do very little and no one can blame him because he has been given the privilege by Ghanaians to rule for four whole years, he has absolute power to decide whether to do more and uplift our country to where we ought to be or to do very little and pride himself with little achievements like building boreholes in mental facilities.

And oh, on that subject, let’s not forget that our President in full pump and pageantry went to the Accra Psychiatric Hospital to commission a borehole. But what do we really expect from a man who says he is happy to do little or a man who is in fact doing little. When such a man leads you, developing boreholes in health centres become great national accomplishments which must be heralded with vuvuzelas and carnivals.

And yes this psyche of doing little and celebrating it has characterized the NDC administration of President Mills since the very first day it assumed office. If we remember, Press Conferences upon Press Conferences were held amidst Newspaper Headlines etc. to announce the arrival of crude oil in our country. For the first time in a very very long while, the date of arrival of crude became something of major national importance and significance and when it finally landed oh, how great an event it was. NDC propagandists were all over TV, Radio, Newspapers, the Internet, the Streets etc. heralding the arrival of crude oil as a major achievement of the Mills government something many believed was even worth getting into the Guinness Book of Records.

Recently, hundreds if not thousands of advertisement slots were bought with state money on Radio, TV, in newspapers and on the web to announce the commissioning of less than a quarter of the Road that is supposed to link Achimota to Ofankor by the whole Vice-President of the Republic of Ghana. It is even more amazing that even this road is not a project that can be claimed in any sense by the Mills/ Mahama administration; yet the commissioning of a very small stretch was heralded, drummed and trumpeted as if Ghana was about to commission its first inter-city tunnel. The hasty commissioning of that stretch of the overhead has even further worsened the traffic situation on the road to Achimota; that what we get for electing people who are happy doing little.

So Prof. Mills is very happy; in spite of all Ghana’s problems and the failure of his administration to deal decisively with those problems, he is happy. He is happy to provide tents, ideally meant for Refugees and the displaced for Senior High School students even though he promised while on campaign in 2008 to build 300 Secondary Schools when he is elected (http://news.myjoyonline.com/politics/200809/20981.asp ). That promise clearly has been thrown to the dogs sorry cats, maybe during his campaign he was thinking big but certainly not this time.

Prof. Mills is happy that his inaction or should I say little action has led Ghana into a dispute over our God given oil reserves because he failed to heed to an advice given months before that particular oil well – the Dzata -1 well was discovered and the dispute arose, to set up a joint border commission with our neighboring countries (http://www.ghanaweb.com/GhanaHomePage/NewsArchive/artikel.php?ID=158356). He is happy that today we stand a great chance of losing substantial parts of our oil reserves because he is do little!

In fact am even sure he is happy with Ghana’s latest B credit rating; after all he would happy we didn’t get a D or is that not what the logic according to His Excellency Mills would say?

One thing which is also clear is that Prof. Mills is not only ‘do little’ but also very Petty, in other words he is preoccupied with little thoughts and petty things. If this was not so, we would not have him going round the whole country telling people that whether they like it or not he is the President at a time when Ghana could not even import crude. Obviously, President Mills sees the presidency not as a role but as a title and has no option but to remind all of us constantly that he is the President and the only one for that matter.

Prof. President Mills is a very petty man and anyone who has listened to him over the years even before he became President would notice this. Only someone who is petty would go into his home region and claim that the fishing industry in that region is suffering because the sitting President does not come from the coast and has cited all the big cold stores in his home region when in fact he, Prof. Mills who supervised the divestiture of most State Owned Cold Stores in the Central Region while he was Vice-President. Prof. Mills is petty in every detail; he even went round trying to prove he is competency by making the point that he was not born with a silver-spoon in his mouth.

As President however, it seems this pettiness has even grown larger. As a way of showing modesty, Prof. Mills moved in a bus with some appointees followed by a convoy of 4x4’s to a workshop and returned with his ministers in the 4x4’s which followed them; meaning that instead of saving cost Prof. Mills even caused the state by the addition of the bus they rode in. That is how petty our President can get at times. Since exposing his ‘modesty’ in such a manner, he has never travelled in a bus again; I thought that the best way to expose his modesty was to make it a policy to travel in buses everywhere he goes.

So is anyone surprised that Prof. Mills aka Prof. Do Little would go as far as snubbing the leader of the largest opposition party to make a point? No, I am not in the least surprised and I expected him to do such things long ago. This is a President who has not on a single occasion credited the NPP which ruled this country for eight years for anything good and even goes to the extent of claiming things the NPP began and even sought funding for as his initiatives; so why does anyone think that he would acknowledge Nana Addo when the two meet at a function bearing in mind that Nana Addo is the man who seeks to take his precious ‘title’ of President away?

It is in his basic character to hold on to little insignificant things so it’s not easy to hide it; we all remember how he went to town throwing tantrums during a meeting with the GJA few days after Nana Akufo-Addo had arrived in Ghana to rapturous welcome. This is a President who trumpets so loudly anytime he is in his home region that he is an indigene and goes to another region to trumpet the fact that region is his second home leaving all other regions in a limbo over which position they place in the President’s order of ‘home regions’.

Now it’s should be obvious that Prof. Mills himself is happy about he being Prof. Do Little and oh, he has even stated that himself so why are his supporters furious over that title? Why are they wailing more that bereaved? Maybe because even though they support the NDC and Prof. Mills, they don’t want him to do little. They want their President and leader to do more and think big. They know that it is only in getting a reputation of someone who does more, that would ensure success for the NDC.

And yes, that message should go to Prof. Mills. Ghanaians are not happy with a President who does little. Prof. Mills could have been happy if was President of his nuclear family with he being someone who does little but as a President of the Republic of Ghana, he cannot and should not be happy with doing little because he was not voted to do little, he was voted to do much much more! Ghanaians are not content with his do little record, we want an achiever; someone who is never content no matter the achievements he chalks; we need someone who would set his sights high and think big and someone who never rests! That is the kind of person we want as President. My country needs someone who is not bottled in pettiness but someone who knows that the essence of leadership is changing positively the condition of the people you lead and not just changing it positively but changing it in the biggest possible ways. That is the President we require so Prof. Mills, the ball is in your court! Quit being happy with doing little and do more!

THE BATTLE CRY! (For the NPP)

First Published on Monday August 9th, 2010.

The NPP went to the polls successfully and has again demonstrated its true democratic credentials emerging with a landslide and a landmark victory for Nana Addo Danquah Akufo-Addo.

On Saturday, I was proud of this party and happy for the fact that the man I believed could best represent our Party was given a massive endorsements by around 83,000 party executives stretching all over this beautiful country. It was particularly amusing because Nana Addo aside winning massively, also won every single region which means that his popularity at least within the party is not limited but covers the entirety of this country.

But whatever happened on Saturday is in the past and for me the celebrations should end now, I didn’t even celebrate because I don’t see reason in celebrating, when you defeat a brother at a contest! This is by no way disregarding the victory of Nana Addo on Saturday but refocusing minds on the reality that the NPP is now faced with the real issue of winning the 2012 elections.

To recapture power, we need to be at our strongest! We need to have a united objective and a united focus and be prepared to dedicate ourselves to the singular objective of winning power in 2012.

To recapture power, the party must work on its internal divisions (which plague every party) and ensure that all sections of the Party understand the importance of winning in 2012 and what to do to ensure victory as well as having the fairground to contribute to the victory.

Yes Nana Addo won BUT as it is obvious, the campaign is an NPP campaign! Nana Addo won a landslide unprecedented in the history of the NPP but on the side of Alan Kyeremateng, Isaac Osei, Frimpong Boateng and Rev. Koduah are resources, human and material the NPP cannot ignore and resources which must be utilized for victory! Sitting where I am sitting for example, it is my rightful opinion that men such as Kwabena Agyepong, Maxwell Kofi Jumah, Dr. Richard Anane, Mr. Kwadwo Mpiani etc. who were all for Alan K, need to be given useful roles because in them lies tremendous experience and knowledge which would be ignored to the disadvantage of the NPP. They should be made to help and they should be willing out of their free will to help!

However, it would be very unrealistic for anyone to expect Nana Addo to dump his whole campaign team for a totally new team, it does not happen anywhere especially not when this team has been able to achieve the sort of result achieved. What needs to be done is to combine all the talents, experiences and strengths in a team where no one would feel superior and no one inferior! A team where all members would feel themselves equal. A team solely motivated by the objective of rescuing Ghana from the shackles of bad governance and mediocrity. A result oriented and well motivated team comprising all members of the NPP and sympathizers as well as all Ghanaians terribly disappointed in the NDC is what we need.

In facing up to 2012, we need to face up to ourselves, our actions and inactions especially while in government and even now we are in opposition. It would be deceitful to think or even suggest that we run a perfect administration, that smacks of arrogance and deceit. As members of the NPP we need to readily accept that all did not go well when we were in power.

However, we need to tell our story! We need to tell the story of the achievements we chalked in eight years and tell the promise of how we hope to redeem Ghana unto a prosperous path; unto the path of development in freedom!

We need to tell the story of the country we met in 2001 and the country we left in 2009 and the country we have now! We need to tell the story of how we executed our agenda in eight years compared to how the P(NDC) executed and is executing its agenda in the over 20 years it has had in government.

We need to tell the story of our ideology and how our ideology, Liberal Democracy, offers the best hope for a free people; we need to tell our story and not allow our story to be told for us! If they paint a bad picture of Liberal Democracy, we should remove it and paint the real picture of it! If they paint a bad picture of our administration from 2001 to 2009, we should pull it down and paint the true picture including the crocked edges we couldn’t straighten and the spots we left unpainted but I have no a single doubt that our true picture we be more beautiful than the true picture of either the NDC without a P or the one with the P; more beautiful than the picture of the NDC under Rawlings and the NDC under Mills! More beautiful than any picture the NDC can ever dream of painting!

We need to also tell the story of how lost the NDC is in whatever it sees as its ideology and how disastrous the NDC has been in power from 1981 till 2012!

We need to be ready for battle and go for battle! We need to be humble and truthful! Everyone needs to be humble and truthful either in our intra party dealings or in our dealings with those we need to win in 2012!

It is going to be a battle for the soul of this country! It is not going to be a battle of guns and B-52 bombers a battle of ideas, brains, records and communication! Even if it comes to guns, we should be ready for it!

It is going to be a battle to redeem our dear country from misrule and confused leadership! It would be a battle to put our dear country back at the forefront of leading a free and democratic Africa! It would be a battle of reinstating our country unto the path of progress! A path of empowering our private sector, a path of self-empowerment! It would be a battle to secure and entrench Democracy and our God-given rights without fear of causing fear and panic! It would be a battle to ensure that for once, we are able to make good use of a rich resource (oil) breaking from the mismanagement of our other resources like Gold and breaking from the dangerous path our oil has already been put on!


It would be a battle to reduce the hardships of Ghanaians and a battle to ensure that the unborn generations are proud as Ghanaians unlike most of my generation! A battle to ensure that Ghanaians break free of the Koreans, Japanese, Chinese, Americans, etc and are made capable of handling their own issues like housing and resource generation!

It would be a battle which needs to be waged and won! A battle which must be won!

In the Green and Black corner are our opponents, the NDC! In the NDC is a party that was formed out of dictatorship and the overthrow of a democratically elected government. In the NDC is a party has the record of supervising the worst era of human rights and protection of individual freedoms in our nations history! In the NDC is a party whose founder and until recently leader proclaims widely his disgust for democracy! In the NDC is a party which has as its bed fellow intimidation, violence and atrocious lies. In the NDC is a party which oversaw till date, Ghana’s worst period of corruption, misapplication and misuse of state funds; something it is repeating since it re assumed power in 2009! In the NDC is a party which thrives on divisionism, tribalism and pettiness! In the NDC is a party which is not in the least ready to hand over power and a party which has given every indication to twist arms and break bones to win the 2012 elections (apologies to Nii Lantey vanderpuje). In the NDC is a party which began thinking about winning the 2012 elections even before it was sworn in on January 7th 2009.

So our work is really cut out for us! In the NDC is a party bent on hanging on to power whatever the consequences!

But in the NDC is also a party we know how to defeat! In 2000 with the most brutal leader in Ghana’s history still in power, we whipped the NDC like no one’s business when no one really expected us to do so! In the face of intimidation, abuse of incumbency, violence, abuse of state resources amongst widespread corruption, we still managed to humiliate the NDC in 2000; in both the first round and second rounds even after they claimed that some 2million supporters of their party who didn’t vote in the first round would be recalled to turn the tide in second round.

We repeated the dosage in 2004! So, Yes We can! In their most likely candidate (Prof. Mills) is one who holds the worst political record in Ghana’s history! With his record currently standing at five elections, four defeats and a single victory with that victory coming by way of a split decision. So the NDC is very beatable and we would beat them.

But, we can only beat them if we are strong in mind, strong in will, strong in strategy and strong in numbers! Victory in 2012 would not be won at the National Headquarters, It would not be won at Nana Addo’s campaign office, it would not be won at the Electoral Commission headquarters! No!

Victory in 2012 would be won in our houses; it would be won in the trotros and taxis; it would be won in our offices! Victory in 2012 would be won in the barbering shops and salons, it would be won chop bars and restaurants! Victory in 2012 would be won at the drinking spots and car washing bays! It would be won in the farms, on the canoes, at the marketplaces, and at the sports stadiums. Victory would be won on the radio and on TV; Victory in 2012 would be won at the centres where we watch the Premiership, the La Liga, the Italian Serie A, the Champions League, the Europa Cup and where we would watch the 2012 African Cup of Nations, the 2012 European Cup, the 2011 Under – 17 African cup and World Cup as well as the 2011 Under-20 African and World Cup! Am I overstretching it? Well it would also be won in the churches, in the mosques, in the classrooms and even in the clinics and hospitals! And oh yes! Victory would be won here on facebook, it would be won on Ghanaweb, Myjoyonline, Peacefmonline, citifmonline, etc. etc. as well as Twitter, My space , Hi5 etc.

Finally, victory would be won at the Polling Stations!

Surely, Nana Addo, Jake, JAK etc. cannot be at all these places! Victory would be won and must be won by you and me! We must all be ready and start waging the battle from now and at all the places mentioned and all places where there is the need for the battle to be waged!

I have taken my gauntlet! What about you? We don’t have time! The time to act is now! We need minds, we need strategies, we need actions! We need to do everything to win and win we must! Four years of Ghana under NDC would be disastrous and dangerous for our country! If you are a member of the NPP or a sympathizer and you sit on the fence, you are not leaving our strength at par, you are weakening us and you might just be causing us defeat! It is time to wage the contest of our lives! No time to delay!

At least now, we have a leader, a very capable leader as such! A leader who knows what he is about! A visionary leader who knows how to empower Ghanaians and how to ensure that Ghanaians take the commanding heights of our nation! A leader who is backed by capable brains in me and you! A leader supported by a very proven ideology! A leader determined to act to address the myriad of problems that affect us as a nation! A leader who is bold and not afraid to take action! We have a leader we can trust and a leader we can sell! A leader who is very capable of leading this nation! A leader who is far capable and competent than the disaster we have now!

The battle cry has sounded!

ABRAHAM AND ISAAC IN MODERN GHANA!

So I was there when all of a sudden a thought occurred to me. I was struck by some Biblical events and I thought about them carefully in relation to the modern world and in relation to modern thought generally.

The first story which struck me was the story of Abraham and how he attempted to kill his only son, Isaac after God directed him to offer Isaac for sacrifice. Before I continue, I would want you to ask yourself if you can sacrifice your only son if God asked you to do so.

Well, Abraham was asked to do exactly this and strangely enough, he complied. Abraham being a very very faithful man to God decided to murder his only son as Sacrifice to God. The story goes that Abraham told his son to follow him one day into the bush to offer sacrifice. What I find strange is that though Sarah was also a devout believer, Abraham did not inform Sarah of what he was going to do. That is my first issue.

So Abraham set forth with Isaac into the bush. Now this is my second issue. Isaac was not a small boy who couldn’t reason so when his dad informed him of the impending sacrifice, Isaac should have asked questions about which animal was going to be used for the sacrifice. Isaac gladly did and asked his father what animal they were going to use, whether it was going to be grass cutter, squirrel (opro), or a deer (otwe). I hear Abraham told him that God would provide and that Isaac shouldn’t bother about whether the sacrifice was going to be made with a snake, elephant or deer because that was not his problem to deal with.

If I were Isaac (gladly, I was not), I would have sensed that there is trouble on the mountain. But Isaac didn’t and he followed. But why did Abraham also not tell Isaac that he was going to be the sacrificial ‘animal’? Obviously, he was afraid that since they hadn’t gotten too far, Isaac would run and go and tell Sarah which could lead to a lot of issues; you know women.

Isaac and Abraham continued. When they got to the venue of the Sacrifice, Abraham informed Isaac that it was time for the Sacrifice. Isaac was so glad and told his father that he was going to look for the animal they would use for the sacrifice and even went ahead to inquire from his father which animal he should hunt for (small boys are young indeed).

However, Abraham told Isaac not to bother himself because the sacrifice was already at the venue and indeed was facing him and asking him questions. Isaac didn’t quite get it, because from what he knew, he was the only one facing Abraham; could he be the sacrifice, could he be the sheep? Obviously, yes! Who else, Abraham confirmed.

Isaac was still confused and attempted opening his mouth but Abraham quickly counted and told him to lie coolly on the platform so that he could be finished quickly. It was here that Isaac got to know Abraham was serious.

Interestingly enough and surprisingly too, Isaac followed his father’s instructions. How amazing? Now imagine your reaction, if your dad takes you out and all of a sudden tells you to lie down so he can sacrifice you for God. Am sure you would do it, ryt? Well, I would not! I would tell my father straight in the face to stop joking and get serious! Sacrifice me, he obviously can’t be serious! For what? I am a young boy waiting to enjoy life, not even married, not done anything much and all of a sudden you want to sacrifice me; what does he mean anyway?

In fact, if I realize that my dad is serious, I might end up sacrificing him before he sacrifices me. But Isaac did not do this. I expected Isaac to tell Abraham in plain language, that “look old man, are you serious? (more harsher word but am a bit afraid to use such words- God is reading, shhh), am your only son, have you forgotten? Please cut off this joke cos it aint funny! In any case am bored, can we go home? No I am even leaving! How on earth could you think of such a thing dad? How on earth? What would mummy think when she hears of your attempt to sacrifice your only son? Oh, dad you disappoint me! “. Then after uttering these words, I would leave.

If he tries to be serious in this sacrifice business after I attempt leaving, I would use the energy in me to run for dear life or use it to offer him rather for sacrifice as I stated earlier. If this scenario occurred in today’s world, Isaac would have bolted straight either home, to a police station or to Peace fm to report how his dad had taken him to the bush and attempted to murder him under the guise of offering him for sacrifice to God.

Three scenarios arise.

If Isaac decides to run home and report to Sarah, Sarah would immediately conclude that there is something wrong with her husband, hide Isaac at a safe location and start wailing. She would wail and wail till the whole world hears of the Godly thing Abraham was going to do. She would tell everyone everything that has happened in their marriage from how they suffered to get Isaac and how Abraham slept with Haggah, how Abraham had to be forced and threatened to send Haggah and his child packing before he did etc.

Infact Abraham’s reputation would have been totally destroyed by the time he returns from the bush. Abraham would be in deep sh… (I am too decent to pronounce that word but knowing those who are reading by this time, I am fully confident that you know the word I was supposed to use and wont mind mentioning it).

Scenario 2.

If Isaac had rushed to the police station, what would have happened would depend on which police station he reports it to. If he reports it to a police station in Dusseldorf or somewhere in Boston, the police would take his report, take the address to his house and the location where the father attempted to sacrifice him and immediately get a psychologist to help him deal with the trauma he is going through. By this time they would have asked him if he has eaten, gotten him some food if he has not and assured him of their protection, blah, blah, blah.

If he had reported it to a police station in Ghana, a totally different situation would occur. To begin with, the police would spend over 3 hours asking him very unnecessary questions like how he got to the police station, if he knew the father would do that to him, his hometown, which school he attends, whether he respects his father or not, why he did not attempt to raise an alarm so that his father could be apprehended before rushing to the police station, whether the mother was quarelling with the father etc. etc. before they would even make any attempt. Following this, the policemen at the station and the women too, would take another one and half hours to discuss why a father would do such a thing and try to rationalize what happened, with some of the women making statements like ‘as for men you are wicked oo’ (mmarima dea mo tirimu eden paa); while the men would be blaming insanity for the actions of the father . then they would proceed on how, the family might take the case out of court even if they arrest Abraham and why that makes the work of the police hard etc.

After this, because they is no easy way of locating a house in Ghana, they would order the traumatized lad to lead them to the Bush where the father attempted to sacrifice him and shout on him all along the way. If they do not meet Abraham there, they would start a new set of interrogation and wud not even bother to pick samples of evidence or anything or even cordon the place of the attempted sacrifice (with that yellow thing the western police use, which we always see in movies but never in reality in Ghana; can anyone help me with the name after all is it my fault that I don’t know?). They won’t bother, simple and short! Tweaa, why should they?

So they would take Isaac home and ask the traumatized lad to again narrate all he told them at the police station to the mother and family (ka ne nyinaa, ennyi bi enfiri mo; sorry for my twi, I had a comedian as Twi master while I was in primary school and in JSS, my mates from Star of the East would attest to this; it’s not my fault!). Isaac would really go through something and would even start regretting by the time they are through with him because he is sure to get some of the blame for what might have happened to him. Its funny how we tend to blame victims of crimes in a way for causing what happened to them in this country and in Africa as a whole; in the end you feel sorry and blame yourself, it happened to me recently so I know what I am talking about!

Third Scenario

One of the first things Isaac would have done is to go to Peace FM or any such loud mouth radio station, i.e. if the incident happened near Madina for example, he would have dashed to Oman FM or Adom FM if it happened around Tema. But the likeliest station he would have gone to would be Peace FM.

At Peace FM, the kid would be rushed to the studio and put on air live! Exclusive to peace FM only! Any program being held at that time would be quenched! And the interview would start with constant interruptions of their sound bites like ‘PEEEEAAAACE FM’, or “obia se 3y3” etc.

Isaac would be made to tell the whole Ghana what happened, live on radio without bearing in mind that he has not even seen the Police. He would be made to give every detail of what transpired and the comments from the host and others would immediately sentence Abraham unofficially! The Public’s mind would be made after only 15minutes of the interview.

If Abraham is not lucky, his plight would be worsened if Peace FM decides to take calls from the public on the issue. The callers would immediately call for Abraham to be given either the life penalty or death and go ahead to question why ay lawyer should even defend such a man. The lawyers would be called all sorts of names and would be accused of aiding and abetting while others would tackle the issue from the side of Judges, calling for a very speedy trial and sentencing of Abraham!

In less than 30 minutes the story would be all over the net! Peace FM online, Myjoyonline, Ghanaweb, ModernGhana etc. . Unrepentant facebookers would also not be left out of the developing story.

They would characteristic of them post all sorts of comments without bordering about the consequences because most of them hide behind very dubious profiles and names while the others with real profiles care less about the harm they do with the comments they make! Hahahaha, it sounds like I am describing someone.

People like Faisal Ibrahim would post things like ‘Father attempts to sacrifice son. I LOVE GHANA’. While Gabby Otchere Darko would post something like ‘In 2008, 56% of murders were committed by relatives while 63% of murders in 2009 were caused by relatives, showing a rise in family related killings. Would the technique employed by the British Police in dealing with such crimes help? ’ Then Fiifi Boafo would also post ‘Heard of the attempted murder of a son by a father? Well catch me live tomorrow morning on Oman FM for more on this story as I speak to the Isaac’

But I would write something like- ‘Ei, things are happening under Atta Mills! Fathers are today ready to sacrifice sons? Oh God save Ghana!’

The next day, the Newspapers would also be all over it. Daily Guide would have a headline like ‘HORROR! FATHER ‘BUTCHERS’ SON!’ . The Ghanaian Times would have ‘FATHER’S ATTEMPT TO KILL SON FAILS!’ and the Daily Graphic would crown it with ‘GRUESOME: SON ESCAPES DEATH IN BUSH, AFTER FATHER TRIES TO SACRIFICE HIM’.

In the end, the headline of the Daily Graphic would sum it all up- “COURT HANDS ABRAHAM A 120 YEAR AFTER PROSECUTION PROVES CASE OF ATTEMPTED MURDER; BUT FAMILY WANTS CASE QUASHED & SETTLED AT HOME!”

Should I continue this one ? Hmm, Am not sure! But who knows……. But whatever happens, watch out for more stories from the Bible!