JUDGMENT DAY II - THE TURN OF THE PRESS!

First Published on November 23rd, 2010

Ok so finally, Part two is here. Part two and the other parts to follow were conceived at the same time Part 1 was, but somehow I never had the motivation to put them into typing till I received the motivation from a dear friend. She knows herself. I wish I have more of that! No meanings please!

So its still judgment day and people are in queue. One after the other they are either punished by being delivered for free to Satan or rewarded by being promoted to Heaven. The Politicians have been dealt with freely and fairly and I should tell you that there was gnashing of teeth. Unfortunately for some of those who were delivered to hell, they spent much of their time on Earth using their mouths and teeth as well as other parts for all sorts of activities so by the time they got to the Judgment throne, there was no teeth left, thus they were left with no choice but to gnash their gums. Some of the politicians who went to hell are – His Excellency …… Seriously, did you think I was going to mention names? God forgive you if you thought so! In this age of Fear and Panic, you want me to say he went to hell because I am comfortable in my house and would want to spend some time in cells eh? Quite apart from that, you know very well that the Good Bible admonishes us not to judge, so why did you even expect me to stand here on earth and start judging (though I should admit that I have a fair idea of those Excellencies who would be going to hell).

Some of us would have by now been judged and would have been luckily promoted to heaven probably after one or two appeals. Some of us would have by this time left our relatives, friends and the whole world stunned by the kind of things we engaged in. We would have been exposed finally and fully. But because almost all of you would have experienced equal or worse expositions, it would not be so difficult for us to face our shame, since your shame would be far greater than ours.

Before I continue to the subjects today- i. e. Journalists, let me inform you that by my calculations and analysis, some people might find themselves in heaven by sheer luck not because of their activities on earth. Others would be booted into hell because of bad luck. Some of you people are so bad luck that even if we talk to you for a minute, it affects our prospects for about a year, some are also so lucky that they can go free even with murder (I am on the luck side though I have not tried murder yet). This trend of luck and bad luck am sure would be present even on Judgment day.

I say this because the sheer magnitude (number) of CDs needed , would outstrip supply from places like Europe and the USA so the likeliest place for getting them would be China, and I do not need to tell you that there would certainly be problems of quality with the CDs; After all it would be Made In China! Check the quality of CDs these days and you would confess! And please by CD, I mean Compact Disk not Condom (for those of you who are so corrupt that you fail to even notice that am doing my possible best and Godly obligation of pulling you away from the gates of Hell)
Back to the case of the low quality China made CDs which would most likely be used for the Judgments- What would therefore happen is that certain individuals would have key moments of their tapes scratched and thus would not show or would constantly break and thus end up most likely being forwarded. The unlucky ones would have all their bad deeds showing feeli feeli but the scratches would appear where they have the few good deeds of their life on Earth. As soon as it gets to where they gave alms, or spoke the truth (which for many like you are rarities), or where they saved someone from say alcohol addiction by sharing their own experiences, the disc would start breaking and stop totally maybe. Only two solutions would be feasible. Either the disk would be forwarded or the disc would forward itself. In short, all we would see would be your evil deeds, upon which sentencing would be passed immediately and your delivery to hell conducted promptly.

The lucky ones like me would also have scratches on our discs, the only difference would be that our good deeds would show perfectly but the breaks would come where our bad works (work not deeds) was supposed to appear. so as soon as it gets to where we told someone we were in the house when actually we were somewhere else doing our own thing or where we did things which cant be easily mentioned, the disk would start breaking and stop!

So God being so good, we would be judged on only our good deeds and thus qualify for heaven straightaway and when that happens we won’t waste any time; we would leave everyone behind, not bothering where their fate would lie and rush to Heaven to prevent any eventuality of having the DVD player replaced with one which might show perfectly or to prevent a situation where some detractors of ours might appeal against our innocent judgment. In fact we would not take any chances on judgment day, at all!

Back to the Journalists! Judgment day would be so interesting. Oh, it would be a sight to behold; to start with, these journalists whose biggest hobbies is finding and asking questions where no questions are, would even attempt to question God on why he chose to start with someone like Michael Dokosi of the Daily Post and not Fortune Alimi of the Daily Guide! And imply that God is biased by the selection of who to start!

But even before that, we all know how Journalists have picked up the attitude of always trying to sway public opinion and outcomes of events by conjuring stories falsely with the hope that with that their desired outcomes would be met. Well, on Judgment Day, this trend would be repeated despite the fact that they would be in the presence of the Almighty. So please don’t be surprised if you see a hurriedly published special edition of the Daily Dispatch blurting out the headline “79% OF FLOATING GHANAIANS WANT BEN EPHSON IN HEAVEN” and with an Article titled “WHY BEN EPHSON SHOULD BE IN HEAVEN” or a Special Edition of the Informer with the headline “DAY OF RECKONING HERE; KWAKU BAAKO, KWAMI SEFA KAYI, GINA BLAY & KEN KURANCHIE TO BR SURELY SENT TO HELL”
The Crusading Guide would surely not be left out as they would bring out a Special Edition too but this time with the Headline “FEAR & PANIC GRIPS NDC PRESS AS DOCUMENTS SHOW THEY PUBLISHED OVER 18000 FALSE STORIES”. Finally, the Insight would publish “IMPERIALIST AGENDA EXPOSED AS WESTERN PLOY TO SEND LEFT LEANING JOURNALISTS TO HELL IS SET TO FAIL”

Just like what happened when the politicians were being sentenced, we would again see countless number of Ghanaians and especially politicians and these same journalists who would not think about their fates but instead concentrate on finding out how many NDC journalists are being sentenced to hell or heaven as compared to NPP journalists in order to enable them score points. People would also take keen interest in finding out which media houses have more of their journalists being sentenced to hell and which ones are not.

It would be all fear and Panic that day; and it would know no bounds, these journalists who have taken the responsibility upon themselves to expose everyone minus themselves would finally be exposed fully. We would know the journalists whose stock in trade is blackmail and whether what they demanded was cash or kind and know whether the $125,000 was really given and really taken and how the socialist who took the money used it, if indeed he took it.

We would all see what makes certain so called pollsters conduct polls and come out with the weird results they come out with and whether indeed they charge people for conducting polls with predetermined results and whether they even step out of their Labone offices to conduct the polls or whether they interview the people they claim to interview in their minds or dreams and how many people they really interview in their minds and dreams as compared to the numbers they tell us.

In one day or more, we would get to know everything we have wanted to know ! To digress a bit, I would particularly be interested in knowing the Amina Rape case! And I would ensure that I do not blink when the tape on the event starts scrolling; we would all see whether the forced rape happened and whether the Driver was actually given the luxury of sleeping with 5 women; ei, people just fall in abundance when they haven’t done anything to deserve it! We would all see how come certain men were able to ‘rise’ in the face of guns and threats of death; and whether they enjoyed it or not as well as those many of you who wish you were in the bus! All of you would be exposed!

But all these would not be as Interesting as the judgment of certain recognized or key journalists! All the drama would be reserved for last by God! The trials of people like Baby Ansaba, Ben Ephson, Ken Kuranchie, Gina Blay, Gabby Asare Otchere Darko, Chicken Joojo Bruce Quansah, Egbert Faibille, Raymond Archer, Kweku Baako and Kwesi Pratt would certainly come last!

When Baby Ansaba gets into the dock, we would all know how come he was able to publish that Prof. Mills had collapsed and been rushed to the 37 hospital at a time when Prof. Mills was engaged in a meeting! In fact let me say this, Baby Ansaba would be one of the people who would answer most questions – baby would tell all of us, how he knew that the NPP paid some journalists and how come he was sacked from the Daily Guide! He would answer to us about the origins of his name – Baby Ansaba Infact any one close to Baby and reading this should inform him to prepare!

Oh Ken Kuranchie, he would also answer paa! But I am unable to say the kind of questions because he is a friend! Don’t get annoyed or bemused by my silly excuse, what are friends for!

In the spirit of fairness and equality and to save space and prevent this already long piece from being too long, I have jumped Gina Blay, Gabby, Bruce Quansah and Egbert but as for Bruce Quansah, we all know that he would answer questions on his alleged, so called kidnapping and how he ended up with chicken blood on him as well as whether the chicken from whose blood he smeared was a poultry fowl or 3fie akuk).

Raymond Archer- wow! Between him and Baby Ansaba, I don’t know who would answer questions! Of particular importance, Raymond Archer would tell us how come a certain tape appeared and it was claimed that the voices on it was the voices of Kofi Jumah and Jake.

But the greatest interest would lie in the judgment of Kweku Baako and Kwesi Pratt! Kweku Baako would surely enter the dock with dozens of people carrying a documents based on which he would defend himself. Kweku would even challenge the scenes shown on his CD with the documents he has and try to convince us that the documents should be rather believed and not the video being screened. Kweku would waste so much time going from front to back in his documents that if care is not taken, one angel might angrily seize the documents and throw them away! On where he would be sent, there is one thing I can be sure off, kweku can never be in the same place with Mr.& Mrs. Rawlings; if the Rawlingses go to heaven, Kweku am sure would volunatarily choose to be sent to Hell but should they end up in Hell then Kweku would move heaven and earth to be sent to hell!

Kwesi pratt the expert on everything would even go to the extent of showing God how to judge and question why certain people have been sent to heaven or otherwise instead of concentrating on defending himself. Kwesi would question everything, why God created us in the first place, why he allowed the whites to colonize Africa, why he allowed Kwame Nkrumah to be overthrown, why he allowed him, Kwesi Pratt, to lose the Ayawaso Central parliamentary seat, why God is making people wait too long before they are judged, why there are only heaven and hell and no other middle place, why he didn’t judge journalists last! But kwesi in the end would tell us how come he ended in prison for 14 times!

Me, as I said earlier, I would be coolly resting in Heaven and gulping down gallons of Milk and taking a stroll around the Gold plated streets of Heaven; oh, how I wish judgment day was tomorrow!