LOVE!

Even before I start let me state emphatically that this piece is not a tale about me, my life or anything like that. It is purely fictional; though I tell it like its not but in any case that shouldn’t be your problem. Whether its fictional or not should be my problem so don’t worry your head about it. I repeat, its purely fictional. I hope this denial would extricate me from any future or immediate consequences.

Ok. So what is love? Good question to ask right? Well am not the best person to answer it because love hasn’t been a particular good friend to me. For some strange reason, there was a time when everyone was talking about love including myself but I didn’t know what love was. People were telling me that I was in love with someone or that someone was in love with me almost constantly but the problem was that I didn’t know what the hell they were talking about.

What is love? How does it feel like to be in love? How does one get in love? When do you know you are in love? I didn’t know the answers to all these questions so I knew perfectly that I did not know what was love and wasn’t I love. In any case what was this whole fuss about love? Especially when I thought there are more serious issues to think and talk about. But hey I guess this whole talk got into me so I decided to fall in love.

Simple, I decided to deceive myself that I was in love and I should say that this act of self deception was and might still be one of the best feelings anyone can have. Its really not so complicated to deceive yourself that you are in love; not difficult, at all! Just copy what you see in Hollywood, Nollywood, Bollywood and Ghanaian movies about love as well as your friends and how they behave when they claim to be in love. So I did this and replicated it in a simple way. Well if just maybe you don’t have time to study what I have told you or just maybe you are so dump as to do this simple thing (no hard feelings, am just being frank), then let me help you.

Well, start by identifying someone who meets your pass mark in terms of criteria for possible lovers. Select a lady who meets your dreams of a possible lover if you are a guy or select a gentleman who meets in some way our dreams of a possible lover if you are a lady. By this time you should know that this article is simply for those inclined to natural love not the foolish and madness gays and lesbians engage in and indeed if you are either a gay or lesbian, stop reading! Nonsense!

Back to the issue; once you have selected the target, try and make some few advances and hope it works out if even minimally. If it does not then its possibly because you have unrealistic and silly ambitions – to put it simply, you did not choose your size or class or type; in short you are a an irresponsible and hopeless dreamer! In such a case become realistic, and it would work out.

When it works out, then begin the ultimate deceptions. Some are listed here
1. Deceive yourself and pretend that you are jealous anytime you see her talking to another boy or vice-versa

2. Deceive yourself into believing that you cannot do without her and that you are helpless without her

3. When before you go to bed, formulate a nice dream about her and try to make yourself dream a very similar dream once you are really asleep

4. Deceive yourself that she also loves you so much and that she could even kill herself when you leave her

5. When you lose contact, say when she travels out of the city or when for some reason you do not see her or hear from her for long, concentrate and make a conscious effort to play sentimental soul searching music without ceasing. Play songs from celine dion like My heart goes on etc, songs from whitney Houston, like I will always love you etc etc. if you are into local songs, play songs with titles like “odo beba na ma wo”, “odo beba na fon aka teaa”, “odo beba aba sie me”, “odo mma ye a men da ye” etc. etc., the likes of lumba, ofori amponsah and kojo antwi would help you in this all important assignment. Indeed such words are very common to find in almost all Ghanaian songs be it highlife, hiplife and even some Gospel.

6. Intentionally try talking about her very often; that is, when in a conversation with anyone and you realize the conversation is loosing its bite, find a way and bring her name in or something about her in.

7. When friends notice your apparent love with the lady and bring it up; do your best not to either deny it or confirm it, play around it so that they would keep bringing her up.

8. Write poems about her when she is away for long, read them and try honestly to cry after you read them

All these and more would help yourself deception a lot

So I played on and was able to deceive myself that I was in love with few ladies. And as I stated earlier, the feeling was good. What I don’t know as yet was whether the ladies were really in love with me or whether they were also trying to deceive their beings and especially me that they were in love or whether they really thought I was in love with them; whatever they thought, I am sorry for them and sorry for myself.

Normally I would play on for some months or even a year after which I would decide to move on because I wanted to have a new experience; and I must admit that some of the ladies were not much of a good experience (please am not talking about the experience you are thinking about; so stop thinking those bad thoughts. For your information, I aspire to be an African Pope one day and I also value chastity very much). I am talking of experience in relation to how the relationship goes on a day to day basis, how she talks to you, how happy you feel with her and all other things which come when two ‘perfectly healthy’ adults are in a relationship.

Sometimes the relationship would end because it had lasted its full length. But most importantly and most regularly, the relationship ended because I felt that if I got deep into it, I might really feel in love and that I might have severe consequences if the relationship were later to fail.

So I went on and on. But something happened. Once there was quite a long period without me engaging in my passion of self deception, something happened. I was plunged into serious depression. What happened was that I realized that I was really in love with the ladies. I realized that, all I was doing was deceiving myself that I was deceiving myself that I was in love. To put it simply, I realized that I had for all the time being deceiving myself that I was not in love and that I was only deceiving myself that I was. Are you confused? Don’t be? All am saying is that I found out too late that I was really in love and that instead of thinking that I was deceiving myself that I was in love, all I was doing was deceiving myself that I was not in love. Don’t you still understand? Haba, your teachers really suffered; no wonder that most of them are dead already. I cant blame you though because the Lord did not create everyone to be bright, some are just born dump! This simple thing look at how I suffered to get you to understand.

Let me continue. Suddenly I had the answers I didn’t have to the questions that made me decide to get into this deception in the first place. I now knew what love was. I found out that one did not really know that he/she was in love until the relationship was no more. You don’t really feel love till you lose it or till you are on the brink of losing it. Love is when you think about your future and see your partner in that future, that is, when you dream about your future and see it as a future for the two of you. Love is when you feel that you can’t do without a specific lady or gentleman. Love is when you feel loved. You are in love when you can’t stop thinking about her no matter how hard you try. You are in love when you get concerned anytime you see her enjoying herself with another guy or even talking to another guy. You are in love with someone when that person makes you do things you would have never done; or do things you would not do normally or when you do things for her without second thoughts. Love is when you feel like dreaming about her and when you feel good after you have a dream about her. Love is when you feel like talking to her first thing in the morning and last thing in the night. Etc. Etc.

That was love and that is Love. I had finally discovered it; but how on earth could I be so crazy? How on earth could I let all manner of ladies who I really loved and who might have really loved me to go, just because of some stupid believe that I was deceiving myself? How on earth could I allow such great relationships to die? How on earth could I have allowed myself not to know that I was really in love? How could I make such mistakes and how was I ever going to be able to correct them? Should I go back? Who should I try rebuilding the relationship with? How am I ever going to meet such ladies who made me feel so whole?

These and many questions plunged me into utter depression. It was simple, my confusion on what love was had led me into deception which had also led me into dejection as a result of my confusion which had arisen out of my denunciation of the obvious and now I was being led into emotional destruction!

It was such a terrible period in my life. I was destabilized and confused! If I were in the US or some western European country, I would have probably gone to a psychologist for professional help and maybe into rehabilitation for a few weeks. But hey this is Ghana and in Ghana this problem which was my problem is child’s play compared to the problems others have. Indeed had this not been Ghana, most of you reading would have been in permanent rehabilitation because of the problems you have.

I tried to go back and try to rebuild what I had unfortunately and deliberately destroyed but hey, in the end I decided that it was too late and that since I had messed things I the first place, I had to live with it and not attempt anything which would put those whose love I destroyed into more trauma or confusion. Most of them I thought were moving on and I didn’t think it would be fair to go back and try worrying them. So I let go.

Not knowing, this was even a small problem. I now knew what love was. My problem this time was that for most of the ladies, I just couldn’t be sure whether I really loved them or whether I was really deceiving myself this time since I had found out that the line between reality and self-deception was so so thin.

When was I in love and when was I deceiving myself that I was? I simply was confused. My past was coming back to hurt me seriously not only because I was not clear as to when I was truly in love but also because my thoughts were normally tempted with the temptation to go back to some of the ladies in my past. Finally, it was also because some of them would never let me be and I didn’t understand why. At least they would have lifted some burden but some of them, o God, would just not let man be and it was not even as if these were the ones I truly loved; most often, these were the ones I really didn’t love and as for this one, I was sure on it.

In my constant confusion, I decided sadly to go in for certain people I knew I could not love. I could not stand the fear of falling in love and breaking up with a loved one because of my confusion; I did not want to go into depression once again. So I decided to try to fall in love with people I knew I couldn’t really love knowing that even if the relationship failed I won’t feel bad because afterall, I didn’t love them in the first place. Why worry? No problem right? I said in my head that I could develop love with them if I thought I should but I realized that just as no realistic being would attempt developing world class infrastructure in Somalia, that was the same way love couldn’t be developed with some of them. To put it mildly, they were not my class, type or desire. That experiment also sooner than later had to be aborted; at least I am grateful for not aborting the kind of things some of you abort. I was only aborting relationships, experiments and ideas not fetuses (God knows I am telling the truth).

Then all of a sudden, I met one angel. She was like some of the other ladies I had met in my past but this one simply was an angel. I was truly happy in a long while and I knew it the first day I spoke to her. We just clicked and though I tried initially not to fall in love with her, I couldn’t achieve it. The only problem was that I could not be fully sure that she loved me fully. You know, it is said that anyone who slashes necks (as in slashes with knife; did I have to say it in full before you understood? Haba!) is always fearful of sleeping on his back, fearing that his neck might be slashed if he does so. Again, if you are a player as I know you are, you would confess that you are always fearful of being played. Lastly, the liars within you would also know that there is always a constant suspicion of being lied to. Because of what I had done in my past, I was always afraid of the law of kama working on me.


I wasn’t sure whether this angel was in love with me or whether she would even ever fall in love with me. Not that she was not compromising, she was (not compromising for any amorous activities, as I have said earlier, I am a good boy!); by all indications she liked me and also was happy with me and loved me. But I wasn’t fully sure if she was just playing me or deceiving me and deceiving herself or just pretending (whatever the words mean). In the end, my fear let her go. I was always afraid of going the full length with her; I did not show full commitment though I loved her like I never did before. So she went.

Following her was a series of ladies who all fit my criteria perfectly and who I knew I was in love with but to prevent further confusion and depression, I had to deceive myself that I was not in love with them. Mainly I had to do this because I didn’t believe that they loved me fully and that they wanted to be in a relationship with me; I couldn’t trust their love. My past again reared its ‘handsome’ head. So just like that angel, I did not go the full stretch with some of these ladies and for others I didn’t even attempt to go any stretch immediately I realized that they were people I might love.

So I had to deceive myself again. I had to deceive myself anytime I met such ladies that I was not in love with them and would never be. Well this is also a good experience to have and is also not difficult to do; at all! Deceiving yourself that you are not in love is very very easy. I would teach you because I know that some of you might never know how to do it if I don’t teach you.
Simple, when deceiving yourself that you are not in love; do some few things.
1. Intentionally refuse to pick their calls often. This would give you a false hope that you don’t love them and that you can do without them

2. Do not listen to sentimental soul searching music, that is, cools (if you do not know what I am talking about; should I be surprised?); on the other hand listen to reggae, the noise called hiphop (those that don’t talk about f**king& love), gospel etc.

3. Don’t watch movies from sparrow productions, venus films or any of such wanna be classy production houses otherwise some scenes might remind you of what you should forget; on the other hand, watch Agya Koo like movies, watch movies with Akua Ataa Kyeiwaa (the ones with witchcraft would especially be helpful).

4. Don’t watch Nigerian movies except the ones with Aki and Popo (am not talking about out two deputy information ministers so please don’t put me in trouble, am talking about the real aki and popo whom our Ghanaian brothers have taken after wonderfully.). Don’t watch Hollywood movies. Don’t watch telenovelas or Soaps; the only serials you should watch are 24 and maybe CSI.

5. Rebuke yourself very hard anytime you dream about her.

6. Deceive yourself that you are not her class (which might very well be true; looking at who you are)

Now this form of deception also plunged me into depression because I realized all too late that the ladies in question really loved me and were prepared to spend the rest of their lives with me. Indeed I realized that their problem was the fact that they thought I didn’t really love them and that I was not committed to them. In the end, most of them had to fall for good for nothing and utterly useless guys all because they couldn’t get me. How sad for them? For me the realization that I had messed up glorious opportunities which even Junior Agogo would score left me dejected. I had been a fool once again. How could I be so crazy to allow myself to deceive myself like this again. First, I deceived myself that I was in love believing that I was not only to find out later that I was. Now, what I had done to myself was to deceive myself that I was not in love because I didn’t think the ladies in question were truly in love with me only for me to find out that I was deceiving myself that they were not and that I was in love with them and they were with me.

I think you are confused, right? Well if you are not confused, it is obviously because your problems are much huger than mine. Indeed some of you were just born to suffer just like Job and sometimes even worse; at least for Job, he had restoration in the end but for you there is nothing like that; so I understand perfectly well why you are not confused. Your problems are too huge; I pity you! It’s like the Afadjato we have in Ghana which we think is a mountain and find it almost impossible to scale; when a Tanzanian or Kenyan sees it he would view it only as a very small hill because he has seen much astounding mountains like the Kilimanjaro but when a Nepalese or Tibetan also sees Kilimanjaro, he would not be moved because he has seen much much Grand mountain ranges like the Himalayas. For some of us, we were born not to suffer. Our only problem is that we have no problem! So we have to create problems for ourselves by thinking about things like what you are reading. Soorryooo!

Well if you think you are confused then your problem might even be more significant. For you it is either you are deceiving yourself that you are confused or that you lack any significant sense of understanding of very simple issues; in both cases, what you have is a psychological problem which you need to seek immediate help! Self deception is not good so stop it now! You are not confused or are you?

For those of you who think this piece was for you or that part is for you or about you, especially for those I have known in my life, well am sorry but your case is a bit more hopeless. (when I say ‘known’ I don’t mean the biblical ‘known’, not the one where the priest asks if you have known your wife to be; not that one! I am talking about knowing someone, just knowing her). I have told you that this is pure fiction; why then should you force yourself to believe that it relates to you? Your kind of self deception needs more of deliverance than psychological help because in the face of obvious reality you choose to stick to your deceptive ways. Please lastly, this is not about me or about you! If you still want to believe that it is about you or me, fine; suit yourself ! Many manias start with little self deceptions like this, bear that in mind!

Now sitting where I am and looking back, I realize that Love is never supposed to be complicated! Love is just the feeling you get when anyone or anything makes you happy and makes you give out more of yourself than you would have ordinarily done and Love is all that was stated above! And anything or anyone which is loved by you should be celebrated day in, day out! You do not need one day in a year to celebrate something which makes you happy; or something which makes you give more of yourself! You need to celebrate such things and such beings every single day; and it doesnt even need to be grand festivities, just be appreciative that love, that's all it takes for you dont know when you would lose it or when you would lose your ability to feel the kind of love you feel now!

OK. So you see we have come all the way from me deceiving myself that I was not in love when I was actually deceiving myself that was not in love when I knew I was. Such was the cycle of confusion thanks to self deception. Self deception is not good for any one especially you and especially our leaders who force themselves into self deception by deceiving themselves that they are performing so much and that the populace loves them so much when it is obvious that they are failures.

I need to end here! AM GONE! Thank God for my life and for your life!